My motivation -- should have written this one first!

I really should have written this post first, but oh well! I just want to write a short little ditty about my motivation for taking The Love Dare challenge. My husband, Nik, and I have a great marriage, as far as I'm concerned. However, it is far from perfect. We fight and argue, mostly over things like dirty clothes on the floor and money (or a lack thereof). We met and fell in love about 4 and a half years ago, before we had to worry about joint bank accounts, kids fussing, paying bills together, or being responsible adults. LIFE can really get in the way of LOVE. Also, the beginning of a relationship, whether you want to admit it or not, is often based a lot on a physical attraction and lust. Due to stress, 2 pregnancies (me), a hard, grueling job (Nik), and not having the time, money, or energy to invest in our selves and our appearances, we no longer look much like the same people who met back in 2005. We are still attracted to each other, of course, but it's different now. I'm sure any of you who are married will agree. Although the physical attraction and lust are mostly gone, we have a lot of love and respect for each other now, which I think is even better.

**PS, I have horrible writing skills. I write like I talk, and if you've ever spoken to me, you know I get off track really easily and often forget my point. I promise I'll get to it sooner or later, as long as I'm not interrupted. Sorry!! :)**

Okay, on with my story. Like any marriage, we have our issues. A long, honest talk with my mother (which is very rare. I don't share nearly as much with her as some people do. I desperately need her approval and love, and so I sugar-coat things when I talk to her sometimes. She sees right through it. She is my mother, after all :)) made me realize that a lot of these "little" issues that I've been ignoring or just letting slide, will one day become much bigger issues, and will be impossible to change at that point. She knows from experience. My biggest fear in life (besides going to Hell, but that's in death) is having an unhappy marriage and getting divorced. See, that's what happened to my parents. They married young, had children young, and my mother stayed at home with us while my dad worked. They didn't have much money at all, and didn't work well as a team in managing the money. My dad had some really bad habits (smoking, mostly, and drinking) that cost money, and my mom spent all of her time with us and not getting any kind of break. They lost the ability to relate to each other's lives, and my mom spent a lot of her time trying to "fix" things...trying to come up with money when my dad spent out of the budget, trying to keep him from getting angry (he had a bad temper), etc. One of their biggest issues is that my mom is a very strong Christian, but when she met my dad, she was at a point in her life where her relationship with God was not her first priority. I don't think it was ever his top priority. When they had children and she wanted to raise us as Christians, and take us to church, he did not want a part of it. To keep the peace, she basically let him do whatever he wanted, sleep in on Sundays, spend money how he saw fit, and didn't argue too much. Finally, after 18 years of this, she was fed up. By then it was too late, and he was not willing to change. They finally got a divorce when I was 15, and it was horrible. It took a huge toll on my sisters and I, and I never want to put my children through that. My dad always said he still loved my mom, and although they spoke poorly of each other often, he always told us that she was the best mother in the world. When I got pregnant with my first child, he urged me to move closer to my mom and get as much help and advice from her as I could. Even though they both remarried, my dad always said he still loved my mom. I know he loved his new wife, too, but I think he really regretted a lot of things he did or didn't do to cause their marriage to fail. Of course, by then, it was much too late. Fortunately, when he died, he had accepted Jesus as his savior and asked for forgiveness for his sins, and I am confident I will see him again in Heaven.

ANYWAY, long story, um, long, my mom has told me that watching me and Nik is like watching herself and my father all over again. My whole life, I've been told I'm just like her. I look just like her, we have the same mannerisms, and I realize I am very similar to her. That makes sense, because she's been my hero for my entire life. Even when she irritates me, I know deep down that she is right. So, this time, I had to listen to her. One of her pieces of advice was to try and get him to church, which I've been trying to do for awhile. She also suggested watching the movie "Fireproof" together. I was a little wary and figured Nik wouldn't watch it, but I put it at the top of our Netflix queue anyway. We got it Saturday, and watched it together. It is definitely not Oscar-worthy, but it's not so bad that you miss the message. By the end, we were both crying (he would be very angry to know I wrote this! haha), and it made us both want to make major changes in our lives and our marriages. Nik said nothing has ever made him want to change and be a better person until that movie. The parts dealing with "trash" on the computer really spoke to Nik, and the part where Caleb's father tells him "God holds you to His standards, not yours, and one day you will answer to him" really spoke to me (I know I mentioned my biggest fear is going to Hell, so hearing the reality of that as a possibility is enough to make me want to change everything). So we decided to start The Love Dare.

We started Sunday, and you can follow through my posts on how I'm doing. I'm not going to speak for Nik, and say whether or not he's doing it also, but I am going to continue to pray for him and hope that he keeps the same feelings he had at the end of the movie. I hope I do, too. I really recommend this movie to anyone who is married or who is engaged. It is a life-changing movie, and I'm so glad I listened to my mom!